Is it safe to say that 2018 has certainly made itself known? January was telling that this is no year to mess around. I think of the phrase my mother has shared with me: Life is no dress rehearsal. And thus, we are to make the most of every moment. With this in mind, we can begin to understand and appreciate the preciousness of time (and space). Although we may often feel imprisoned by our physical limitations, we can also attune ourselves to nature’s cycles. In fact, this kind of flow and letting go is what allows for us to feel more intimately connected to all that exists (ie. the universe on a macro level and our relationships and environments on a micro level). I recently read “surrender” is a practice of letting go. The emphasis here is practice – we must learn and apply ourselves over and over again until letting go or surrender becomes an integrated habit in our daily lives. However, as human beings we are naturally attached; our total experience from the moment we arrive is dependent on our associations with the outside world. In one instance this is how we learn about ourselves, and on the other it can severely inhibit understanding of our true self. Yet, many of us are realizing that we are more than what we identify with.
Two things are happening here simultaneously. As I have come to know, our process of self discovery includes recognizing and embodying the profoundly impactful and powerful uniqueness of our individuality, as well as our totality, wholeness, and mergence with God/ Spirit/ Universal Consciousness. One of the teachings of Kundalini Yoga is to experience the Infinite in the finite. Our mere “finite,” limited, physical-world experience is that which delivers us unto the Infinite. So, while it is important to have reverence and love for self, it is not for us to be attached to. Ultimately, we are Infinite.
My move to New Mexico has been a great practice of letting go, surrender, and trust. The finite self often questions: What am I doing? Am I happy? These simple yet deep inquiries were the catalyst for an emotional purge. When I found myself sobbing in front of my new job’s office computer I realized in that moment I had to be honest. In the past, I’ve hidden my heart’s hurt, tried to be strong, and pretend all was ok (especially in a work setting where vulnerability is not always safe to express). My thought was that if I cannot be myself working for a yoga organization, than what am I doing here? The few minutes of tears and hopelessness inspired a very real moment in which I reflected upon the principles of the work I am in service to.
It can be difficult sometimes when we have tasted our truth, soul, and Infinite self. We’d like to be there forever because we know it to be real, undying. However, our duty is here on Earth, and may we always give thanks for the miraculous gift it is. In reality, I prefer not to be at a desk five days a week. Is it where I am to be for now? Yes. I trust this to be true. Do I also hold my sacred heart’s desires and greater dreams and vision close? YES!!!
At a certain point we come to understand what is necessary to sacrifice for our deepest prayers. At certain point we realize it is not about us. There is something much more magnificent happening beyond our mind’s imagination. Through our awareness we develop the willingness to surrender and practice letting go. Detaching from our finite self is the ultimate surrender, a true sacrifice, which we all fear: death. We will journey lifetimes to come to terms with this inevitable truth. With every breath, inhale and exhale, we have the opportunity to cultivate our relationship with death. No exhale guarantees another inhale, and yet we trust that we will breath again. Similarly, throughout our days we can practice letting go with the appreciation that none is permanent, change is constant. This alone can be a source of empowerment and realization of the Infinite.
(Featured Image: Flower Fairy by Starwater Yoga)